Pictures

Saturday, September 8, 2007

Two years ago today I didn't take any pictures. I had been taking at least one every day of our infant daughter, Bridget. Pictures like this, taken the night before that day, two years ago today:

That morning, we left with some friends who were here from Idaho and went to IKEA. I figured I'd take lots of pictures in the afternoon. It was a Saturday, and we had lots of time. But we didn't go back home that day. Instead our infant daughter, Bridget, was resuscitated inside IKEA, taken out of the store by the paramedics into the ambulance, and driven from the front of the store to the corner of the parking lot where she would be life flighted to the Children's Hospital. My husband and I were driven in a firetruck, while a firefighter drove our van, to the same hospital. We were in no condition to drive.

When we got there, we had to wait. And wait, and wait. She wasn't stabilizing. They were doing all kinds of things for her, and we were in the same room they put us in when Dominic had been flown there exactly six years before. You know it's bad when the social workers are called in on the weekend, and they put you in that room. I wish it wasn't as bad as it seemed.

Hours went by. Finally we were allowed to go and see her. I didn't have a camera with me. I asked for a camera. All they had was a polaroid camera, and they took three pictures for me. I hoped to show her one day what she went through, what she put us through. All the tangles she was in to keep her life supported while we waited for the miracle from God to keep her life sustained. Preserved. But instead, they are the only pictures from that day two years ago. And there were never to be more of her like she was before.

I love you, Bridget! Miss you terribly! And still feel so terrible for what you went through. I'm sorry.

Saturday, September 8, 2001

And it brought back everything from six years before that. Eight years ago today. We did take pictures that day. Mostly pictures my mom had taken with her digital camera,like this picture:

We had our camera that day, although we hadn't taken a lot of pictures of him. We were at Lagoon and were mostly taking pictures of the older kids on the rides. And then he stopped breathing. And they tried to resuscitate him and called the ambulance. The paramedics resuscitated him en route to the nearest hospital and then he was life flighted from there to the Children's Hospital. We were taken into that room. I knew enough to know it wasn't good when they put you in a room like that before they'd let you see your child. But we hoped for a miracle. Finally we were able to see him.

He was so sick. All the tangles he was in to keep his life supported while we waited for the miracle from God to keep his life sustained. Preserved.

I took pictures hoping to show him what he went through, what he put us through. But instead, we are here eight years later and he is not. And there were never to be more pictures of him like he was before, and no new pictures of what his life was to become.

I love you, Dominic! Miss you terribly. And still feel so terrible for what you went through. I am sorry.