In Memory of Uncle Ric

(Nov 1950 - Feb 2010)

A week ago this moment, I was in the VA hospital. My husband was with me. It was the first time I had been separated from my youngest without the reassurance that her dad was there in case anything went wrong. She and the other kids were in the hotel room with their Grandma. Their Grandma had been there with the kids the other two times we were in the ICU, facing the last moments before death.

I held his hand. Earlier in the morning, I'd not been able to sleep well. I was thinking of him. Thinking of my Grandma, and knowing what it feels like when your child precedes you to the grave. It isn't the natural order of things. I wondered if she was there at the hospital. She is a pacer like me.

I decided to drive myself through the unfamiliar streets of a city that was named "the Angels." I was jealous of him, on the horizon of the eternities where he would be able to meet my little ones who I have gone far too long without seeing. It was raining outside. Pouring. The earth was literally in turmoil. The sun had not yet come up, but it was dusk. A cloudy hope for the day as I headed to the hospital, knowing his time was going to be brief. I felt it the night before when we went to that room filled with all the machines and medicines that had been keeping him alive after he suddenly crashed.

The nurse who had been there the night before was still on his shift. He was gentle. He radiated an understanding of things beyond the medical. I held my Uncle Ric's hand. The nurse gave me some privacy. And I cried. I tried to speak, but I couldn't say the things I felt in words. I finally whispered, "Thank you!" I thanked him for loving me, always. For being there for me in those critical times in my life when my own father -- who abandoned me when I was only four years old -- wasn't there for me. For staying here long enough that we were able to make the long trip out to be there with him. To touch him.

I was worried. I remembered the nurses in the NICU telling me not to rub Bridget like I instinctively had been doing. She needed to rest and the stimulation wasn't good for her. Firm pressure, but no stroking. I thought of when Dominic was in the PICU, and there were concerns about touching. I wasn't sure if it was okay to be holding his hand now. Uncle Ric's hand. The nurse came in, and we talked. He told me it was okay to touch him. That he thought Uncle Ric preferred it. So I continued to hold his hand. I stayed until shift change when the nurse on the next shift asked me to leave, even though the nurse through the night had told me he wouldn't ask me to despite protocol. I tried to be respectful.

We were back in that room. Exactly this time last week. The palliative care team came and talked with us all about the process of death. I called them the "palatable team" when I'd first been introduced to them when Bridget was in the PICU. Who would think you'd be getting vocabulary lessons when your child was dying?

I understood why they were there, and was relieved actually this time. I appreciated their details in explaining everything that was being done. They tried to explain what happened, why he got so sick so suddenly. He'd had a blood clot, went to his lungs, but they had taken fluid from around his heart and found cancer there. It was too spread, he was too sick. They assured us they had been doing everything they could to help him, but there was nothing more that could be done. They would continue to do everything to make sure to make him as comfortable as possible while the natural process of his life ending proceeded. He was in multiple organ failure.

I knew his liver must be pretty sick with how quickly he was jaundicing, and how rapidly the dull yellow was getting more and more pronounced. It made sense in my head, but in my heart here I was in another ICU. With my loved one, a dear loved one, tied to machines and medicines and knowing that their life could no longer be preserved.

In some ways, it wasn't as sad as Dominic and Bridget being there. He had lived 59 years. He had made such an impression on this earth, been a remarkable influence. But we loved him. We would miss him.

I held his hand. Different adjustments were made, and he was breathing on his own. But it was the kind of breathing that Dominic had just before he died. They called it "the death rattle." I wasn't surprised by it this time. It had scared me then, as I held my dying son. Though it wasn't as scary, the familiarity was still somewhat startling.

I held his hand. I imagined that my little ones, and other loved ones who had already advanced into the eternities would be there to hold his hand once his spirit was set free. I wanted him to feel loved, uninterrupted by transitions. I held his hand. His breathing slowed. Less labored. He took a deep breath. Then what seemed like a small little swallow. Then no more. I held his hand as he died.

A week ago this very moment, I held his hand.

Disneyland

Christmas morning ---



We're going to Disneyland!



We used the handy packing lists that Santa included and spent Christmas day getting ready to go. Then the next morning, we left the cold and dreary wilderness behind.



And traded it for the California sun!



We spent a short time at the beach enjoying the sunset. We took the opportunity to write Dominic and Bridget's names together in the sand:



We went back to the hotel to rest for the night before getting up to start our three day Disneyland Resort adventure! Here are some photos just outside the patio door side of our room which led out to a beautiful courtyard:





This was at the Sheraton Anaheim. Under the bridge was a little Koi pond. There was a nice gazebo just out side the door to the left that we were able to watch the fireworks from. The pool and hot tub were just to the right. The kids were tucked in, and the two of us went out to watch the fireworks from the hot tub on our last night there. Don't worry, Grandma and Grandpa were there keeping an eye on things! We had adjoining rooms with a connector door, which made the trip even more exciting! And since they were there, we even took advantage of the nice gym before Disneyland gave us our daily workouts.

We got up early for Toontown Madness the first morning. Here we are just after getting through security and the entrance:



Once inside, there was even more waiting. A lot of other people were there to share our experience. Anyone out there find themselves in this crowd?



The day was pretty warm, especially compared to the cold temperatures we left behind. It was hard to feel like it was Christmas without the snow. But there were plenty of signs that we were still enjoying the holiday season:







Everything was decorated for the holidays, and they played holiday music throughout the park. The fireworks show each night was also a special holiday display. With so many things going on it was nice that that the kids were getting some shots of things that I hadn't even noticed while we
were there.



We stopped in at the Main Street bakery a couple of times. They had a lot of fun treats, and even some more healthy meal options. But, yes, it was PRICEY! Lucky for us, Santa also included a few meal vouchers in our gift!



This was really our first trip. We went when our oldest was still under the age of two, and there was still a big parking lot out front. Now that is an additional theme park! We decided that no matter how long you stay, Disneyland has so much to do and see, and every time you will have a full experience, but you will have a different experience every time.

This was one of the kids most favorite attractions. None of them were picked to be a Padawan, but they all just had a great time watching the show.


Grandma and Grandpa treated us to dinner the first night. It was an amazing experience at the Rainforest Cafe. We were seated right next to the giant aquarium, which really intrigued the kids. The other thing we noticed was that there was a giant butterfly and a giant frog on either side of the area we were in. Do you see them? The frog is on the left climbing the wall, and the butterfly's pinkish wings are in the branches to the right.


It was nice to feel like Grandma and Grandpa were there with all eight of the kids. The kids were really amazed that their dad tried the calamari. The light up glasses were a huge hit --and still a favorite because we got to bring them home!

We actually went on this ride during the daytime. It was another favorite!



At first, we were thinking we wouldn't enjoy going to Disneyland, but we thought we'd do our best to help the kids enjoy the trip and have good memories. We were worried about a lot of driving to go stand in lines all day with a huge crowd of people. But once we were there, we started wondering why we hadn't done this sooner.



There were really so many spectacular things to see. We didn't bring a tripod, so we didn't get a whole lot of great night shots. And it is just so much more amazing in person.



It was interesting watching the reactions of the kids for each of the rides. Our youngest seemed to be having a blast, but then we went through this ride aimed at little ones and she really got freaked out, even though these are her favorite Disney characters:



I was glad that overall the kids were enjoying themselves. We did have to give our oldest son the new nickname of Grumpy because he wasn't enjoying himself as much as the rest of us. But he'll still even admit that it wasn't "that bad."

Something completely new to all of us was the California Adventure. We had 3-day park hopper passes, so after a full day at Disneyland, we decided to go over there. We went on several rides at California Adventure. We had a lot of resistance to this one:



It's a giant ferris wheel. The cage the kids went in was stationary and just went up and around and back down. The cage we parents braved actually rocks back inside the wheel and then swings back out to the edge of the wheel. It was pretty tame going around the first time, but then they had finished loading and got the ride really going. That was a little more action than we had planned for! We didn't go on the big rollercoaster that you can see out to the right. There were actually several rides we didn't do this time. But we did take the little ones over to the Bug's Life area. We also went on Monster's Inc. and one of everyone's favorite, Toy Story Mania 3D.

We went over to watch an amazing Broadway-caliber production of Aladdin. Wow! That Genie, by the way, was HILARIOUS! We had seats right in front of the aisle above the orchestra section (thanks to the preferred seating we had with the package Santa brought, along with Grandma and Grandpa standing in line for us while we went on some rides). This was just such a spectacular part of our visit.



There were characters walking around all over the place, and they even had occasional brief performances. We happened upon the Green Army Men from Toy Story just as they were getting ready to move on to their "next mission."



The Animation Academy was a big hit with all the kids. We went through two different sessions. An actual animator walks you through step-by-step how to animate different characters. We did Tigger and Jack Skellington. They also showed a clip from the recently released The Princess and The Frog.



We took advantage of this indoor attraction because on the last day we were there it was actually raining all day long. It wasn't a downpour, but because you're in it all day you get pretty wet. It was fun to be inside where a lot of characters just walk right in next to you. We had lots of photo ops. Some of our favorites were Woody, Cinderella, Mr. Incredible, and of course Minnie and Mickey Mouse.



We did take a break from the parks to do a little shopping. We didn't spend much time there, but the Downtown Disney area is an amazing outdoor mall with all kinds of fun shops for kids. The favorite, of course, was this giant LEGO store. The had some pretty amazing life-size models built out of LEGO bricks.





We went back to California Adventure to watch both the Pixar Parade and the Electric Parade. We ended up missing the Christmas Parade over at Disneyland, but got to see the "Rainy Day Cavalcade." It was quite disappointing, but it was something. We really enjoyed these other parades over at California Adventure.





Another show that we were able to see, although we were exhausted by the time we got to it, and most of the kids were asleep, was the Fantasmic. That was just really amazing also! Again, without a tripod, night shots are difficult. And we also had our arms full with sleeping kids. ;) So you'll have to go for yourselves to see just how fantastic Fantasmic really is.

Three days was pretty exhausting for us. We understand why people go back so often, and I can see why some people would even take advantage of a more extended stay. We missed going on some of the big rides, such as Splash Mountain, Indiana Jones, and Big Thunder Railroad. Like I said before, we still feel like this was a full experience, and when we go back we'll have an entirely different experience that will be just as full.

We spent the night at the hotel and got up early for our last big treat. We headed over to Goofy's Kitchen for breakfast before heading back home. This was the most fun dining experience we have ever had! Our youngest son did have a hard time with it being over-stimulating. But he still did pretty well with it. The characters come right up to the table and interact with you while you're eating. Every so often they start up the music and get you out on the dance floor with the Characters. We were having a great time! The dance of the day was the Twist, and even our youngest got out on the dance floor for a few moves. The food is buffet-style, but premium. And the variety was outstanding! Again this was a PRICEY addition, but gratefully was part of the package Santa brought. And now that we've had this experience, I don't know if Disneyland would be complete without another trip to Goofy's Kitchen.



So all in all, our trip was a pretty good one. We sure were glad to have Grandma and Grandpa along making the memories with us. There were some hard moments with how being at the amusement park brought back being at an amusement park when Dominic had his crisis event. The two older ones can still remember getting off the bumper cars to the scene of their brother unconscious. So it was trying on that emotional level, and it was a pretty physically exhausting trip as well. But as they say in every good story...



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...and we wish you all a Happy New Year!